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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sample Chapter

"Lorenzo are you ready to begin the attack,"says Jane. "Wait up a second, making sure I have all my gear" says Lorenzo packing up his gear for a attack, to end the war, to kill general Hawk and General v3.5 who are working together. Lace enters the room,"Hiya' Jane I finished on the new weapon made one for you and Lorenzo." "You mean the energy sword?" Asks Jane with excitement, "Yes!" answers Lace. Jane is now happy, "Thank you Lace" she hugs Lace. Lorenzo enters the the room. "Whooo am I missing something here" says Lorenzo. Then Lace tells Lorenzo he finished the energy sword, Lorenzo now says, "Awesome, that's amazing does it work." "Try it yourselves" says Lace, Lorenzo and Jane answer, "absolutely." Lorenzo and Jane try it out and like it then Lorenzo and Jane leave and prepare for battle.
They look for spots to attack both Generals. "You know I'm not pushing you, my grandfather is the one that died, Jane." "Thanks for the thought but, I made up my mind" says Jane. "Thanks, I really appreciate it Jane." "You know I've been thinking after all of this you want to well you know, settle down." "No way" says Jane. "Heh heh you know I really like you, you aren't afraid to do anything."Thanks" says Jane, "I like you a little to." They were about to kiss when they heard the Generals talking. Then they fell weird, Lorenzo says, "ummm aaahh lets hear what they are talking about." Jane shy says, "yea sure heh heh." Then the eavesdrop the generals. Then General Hawk says, "Well my good man, are the plans ready to kill the resistance."Yes" says General v3.5. "What about about the two assassins and your son do they know of our plan." General Hawk roars, "Don't talk bad about my son he is just confused" he relaxes and says, "The assassins don't know about our plan." Lorenzo whispers to Jane, "I never thought they would work together." General v3.5 heard that and said, "It looks like we have visitors, heh heh." Then Lorenzo and Jane put their hoods one and drop down in front of both generals.
"We know your plans to destroy every human, just so you can make a robot future."Says Jane. "And I know you two were the ones that killed all assassins, even my grandfather." Says Lorenzo. Then general Hawk says, "Yes we killed your grandfather we tared his limbs right off." Lorenzo started to get emotional, Jane fells bad for Lorenzo. Then General v3.5 says, " Yes we killed him but not in the bombing, this is how it happened." General v3.5 starts to tell the story of Mario Lorenzo's grandfather. "Your grandfather was a man that believed in justice for all, even criminals." says v3.5. "After the bombing your grandfather survived (barely) he spoke to me and Hawk here, he said." "The world is falling apart *cough* you causing this destruction *snuff* will make it worse." Hawk said, "Shut up, assassin! Your kind believes in peace *laughter* your assassins, no one likes you. You kill!" General v.3.5 speaks and said the last 3 words Mario heard, "riposa in pace." Then general v3.5 and Hawk put their knives in Mario heart. This is the end of the story. "You see we both killed Mario together." Lorenzo get full in rage and yells out, "vai morire generale!" In English means go die general. Then Lorenzo and Jane attack both the generals, for the fight of there lives!
Lorenzo takes out the energy sword while, Jane takes out a sword. Jane attacks Hawk and Lorenzo attacks General v3.5. Jane and Hawk cut and stab each other. While Lorenzo and v3.5 have a more technology fight. Jane and Hawk both are stuck in a sword lock and the swords break. Then Lorenzo and v3.5 are in a energy sword battle when the energy swords ran out. Then Lorenzo attacks Hawk and Jane attacks v3.5. Then General v3.5 says "Enough!" and was about to put a scar on Janes face but, instead in his Lorenzo. Then Lorenzo and Jane are on the flour and the generals stand tall. Then Lorenzo said "riposa in pace" and to hidden blade shout out and his the generals right in the neck. The one that his the generals exploded.
Lorenzo looks up in the sky and says, "questo e per te nonno." Then Lorenzo turns around and says, "Jane are you o" Jane kisses him. (5seconds) She said " I been whating to do that sence I met you." You means we could have been doing this all this time." The both laugh.
Then Lace became a 3 grade arts and crafts teacher, Lorenzo and Jane got marryed but, still did what they do best being the last of their kind, protector, being assassins. noi siamo assassini, per sempre fino a quando il mondo è in pace e tranquillità, l'ultimo dei nostri re, ma l'inizio di un nuovo tipo di assassini. Which means; We are assassins, for ever until the world is in complete peace, the last of our king but, the start of a new kind of assassins.

1 comment:

dark.magician said...

The story was alright but you need to work on the punctuation and spelling as well as the misuse of words you used and the tense you put them in.

out of 10 i'll give you a 8.5